“Sometimes people don’t realize their partner is doing something for them because their love languages are different,” says Alderman. Learning and understanding that can help to reinforce your bond, and better yet, create new rituals together. Alderman also advises couples peruse couples therapy books together, especially if they feel they are in a rut—and do the exercises and quizzes within said books. Taking a good, hard look at your dynamic, recognizing common traps you fall into, and doing overall research on your relationship can only prove beneficial in the end. Youthful vigour and the absence of children make it easy to maintain a high level of physical intimacy and closeness. If these pining and passionate feelings are what we base our notion of 'love' on, it's no wonder many mature couples feel that they are out-of-love. The longer you are with someone, the more difficult it becomes to maintain that initial level of passion. Children, careers and responsibilities make it more difficult to stoke the fires of passion. Falling in love with someone isn't all about what happens when you're together; a lot of it has to do with what you're doing on your own, says Solomon.
While you shouldn’t change yourself to please your partner, making yourself look and feel good can give you a major confidence boost which can make a significant difference in your outlook. Eat healthy and get fit and you’ll likely see a difference in your level of passion and intimacy. If, in the beginning, your lives were focused Create passion in your relationship on passion, be grateful that things have simmered down to a healthy, supportive friendship (with plenty of sex, too, if that's what you want). "I believe warm intimacy between people can actually be a stronger predictor of relationship happiness than passion," says April Davis, owner and founder of the matchmaking service LUMA. We want to be in a relationship where we feel a sense of belonging, but we want to expand our own identity. We want to feel safe, but we want the excitement and growth that comes with teetering with our toes on the edges of unpredictability. Slowly, the protective guard around your relationship might start to chip away. The very thing that makes your relationship different to every other relationship in your life slowly stops. Desire feeds physical intimacy which in turn feeds connection, nurturance and the protective guard around relationships. Intimate relationships in which desire has faded can take on the shape of housemates or colleagues. Understanding the nature of desire is key to getting it back. I think in the case of Lori, what she was trying to communicate is that although she loves her husband dearly, in her heart she feels like he is not the right one for her. This sometimes may or may not correlate with having passion or sex in your relationship.
"If you come home from a ride feeling energetic and alive, you can bring a fuller, more engaged self to your relationship, as well." If work and family obligations have forced you and your partner to put your love life on the back burner, schedule some time off from your regular responsibilities. The idea is that over time, desire diminishes as we take on responsibilities and caretaking for each other at the expense of ourselves. The way to get it back is to find a way to psychologically let go of that sense of responsibility temporarily during intimacy and to attend to our own needs. We can get back desire within our relationships by entering a space where we can fantasise, imagine and completely look after our own needs sexually rather than taking responsibility for our partner. It’s very hard to do that if we’re worried about the other person and assuming responsibility for their sexual needs. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about our partner – we absolutely do – it’s just that during intimacy, desire will be enriched if we can attend to ourselves first. Hey Sigmund June 30th, 2015 This is a difficult one.
I think I would rather have had those intense two years and then just knowing he’s capable of those feelings be comforted that with the right effort I could bring it back out again. Over the years, it came to be accepted that passionate love would usually either erupt and fizzle out like a firework or quietly merge into a less fiery, more friendship-like form. This helped explain why couples move on from the honeymoon phase to more of a camaraderie. Perhaps as a result, this type of love tends to be only moderately satisfying for individuals in relationships. During phases of distance in relationships, intimacy is often the first thing to go. If you find yourself in a slump, it can be worth pursuing physical intimacy with your partner. If stress and a lack of time are the causes of your slump, it might be necessary to schedule intimate time together. As unsexy as that might sound at first, it can be fun to have something penciled in on the calendar that you can look forward to all week. Afterall, a huge amount of sexual gratification results from the anticipation and build-up of sex.
Getting away may help you focus on each other , but even a staycation or a long weekend at home—if you treat it right—can be enough to refresh your bond. Before you go, though, have an honest conversation about your expectations, says Alexandra Solomon, licensed clinical therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. "It's important to discuss how much time you'll spend together, whether you want to have more sex than usual, and what you hope to accomplish in terms of your relationship," she says. While both physical love and intimacy are important to a relationship, they are not the basis of sustainable love. Even with all of these tips, says Walsh, no relationship will be perfect—and that's the most important thing to remember if you're feeling dissatisfied with your love life. "We live in such a sexualized culture, people come in thinking something's missing if they're not having 50 Shades of Grey sex and swinging from the chandeliers," she says. Before you decide your romance isn't good enough, she says, remember that all long-term unions have ups and downs, and that love can be felt and expressed in many different ways.